All I ever wanted was for daddy to tell me that he loved me,
For him to realize that we share the same brown eyes.
Forgive me for finding approval in the arms of any absentee,
Because all I seem to be doing right now is falling for hollow lullabies.
I’m sinking between layers of needing to be needed,
How hard is it to hide?
A bottomless appetite for intimacy that is unheeded.
Here I am, choking down my own pride.
I hate the fact that I memorized your smell,
I somehow find comfort in the bitter scent of cigarettes.
On my past I shouldn’t dwell,
Since my memories are the trigger of the gun I use to play Russian roulette.
He’s got a deep voice and at least 5 bad tattoos,
And he enjoys serenading me with profanities.
Daddy, he doesn’t fill your shoes,
But your baby doll likes to waste her opportunities.
I think I deserve his attention,
Calloused hearts should always come with a warning.
Because love isn’t something he likes to mention,
My bed’s always empty at 4 in the morning.
Daddy, where were you to warn me about those men that think,
That it’s okay to talk down to me?
Daddy, don’t you see that my issues are now ridiculed as a kink?
Whose lap am I supposed to sit on and cry, daddy?
Wearing your last name still seems so daring,
In a way that rots me down to the core.
Where’s your daddy now, darling?
It doesn’t feel like I want to know anymore.